Flash Gordon Film Review
This film is what I imagine Unicorns see when they’re tripping.
It’s like a Lava Lamp and Viagra had a baby. It’s one of the very few films that can get you high. Oh, and Queen did the soundtrack! “Flash, Ah-Ah!!”
The story is about a quarterback who ends up on a different planet trying to save the Earth.
Ming the Merciless, the bad guy, is ruthless and horny. His daughter, the Princess, is plotting against him and is even hornier.
Ming watches his daughter’s bondage-like torture while sipping on a cocktail. Flash falls into a Venus Flytrap that’s clearly inflatable; it ends up looking like he’s wrestling a deflated bouncy castle. Spaceships are made out of cardboard cutouts, and everybody’s a two-dimensional character.
Still, this movie is gorgeous, visually STUNNING!
Despite its age, this is a morality story we need today. The bad guy divides the groups of different people, pitting them against each other while they must worship or die. The good guy puts his life on the line to unite them. together they try to save Mongo and the Earth.
Like a circus, it’s a spectacle. it’s an explosion of glitter and sequins; the coolest theater play on film! ‘What the fuck did I just watch? Play it again.’
Flash Gordon aged like milk much past the yogurt stage and straight into the mushroom kingdom. It can be offensive, but still… it’s totally worth Following this rabbit!
Seven out of Seven toilet paper rolls.
A masterpiece!
